I Have And Always Will.

"Darling, we're both scared
But where love is, fear won't tread
All of these friends here agree
We're right where we should be

Underneath all your white
My Lady, My Love, My Bride
In your darkest hours
Will I love you still
I have and I always will

I guess it's because I just do
Following heaven's clues
This is a big mystery
How I found, you found me

Underneath all your white
My Lady, My Love, My Bride
In your darkest hours
Will I love you still
I have and I always will

And you are changing now
Your part of me somehow
And I will never be alone

In your darkest hours
Well I love you still
I have and I always will
I have and I always will"

Dave Barnes " I Have And Always Will "

I like to look at songs and pretend that Jesus is singing them to me.. so I like this song already, and when I look at some of it I really hear it from him, but then other parts, I look at the relationships around me, those who are closest to me, and i hear the song speak to those. It is a pretty song if you get the chance to listen.

Love... with no pressure or expectation.

well, by the encouragement of a friend, I am going to try to update this thing a little more often. So TWO DAYS IN A ROW, wow this is epic.

So last night I was laying in bed reading in my history book about the hindu religion, and how it ties in to history and all of that good stuff, quite interesting actually, while listening to Bon Iver, [ for some reason I can't really read without music?] As I was ending one assignment and getting to the next, I got a text from my friend,

"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love. As the father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him. For he knows how we were formed. He remembers that we are dust' Psalm 103 ...amazing. i love you best."

I said back, the last part really hit me, and I asked her if she was feeling heavy for me? and she said " just laying here trying to bask in his love and stop fighting it... thought you would like this" and I said thanks, and I needed to hear that. Then she went on to tell me something that was perfect for the strange mood I was in at the time...
"yes..remember that although we put so much pressure on ourselves to walk upright and always know what to do, He puts NO pressure and only asks us to lean into him.. we love you. [ we being her and Jesus] :)

Isn't that neat, the creator of the universe, who made us, puts NO pressure on what he created, when I build something, [ since I am just quite the builder] okay, make something, or FIX something, I expect it to work RIGHT, I don't want it messing up, or not working the way I intended it to work! right?? I mean when I burn a Cd, that thing better work and NOT skip. When I recharge my phone I am going to be pissed if it dies 2 hours later. when I get my car fixed, I don't expect it to not start the next morning on the way to school.. get the idea?

What if we had a creator who had the same expectations on us, now I understand you can argue, well the idea that you love your kids the way they are or your family and friends even if they fail, but that is not ALWAYS, I get hurt when I am let down just like the next person, so really it is not COMPLETE in the same way that christ loves is, because actually he expects nothing, but trusts us with everything, and ONLY asks us to lean into him, and trust where he is taking us.

He sees me for what I will be, not what I am.

so yes, one more little piece of the puzzel for learning to Love well wouldn't you say?

Love with no pressure or expectation

Love Well...

11:45 am, my alarm goes off, and I have already been in Starbuck's for the last hour and a half trying to catch up on some political Science homework, and feel productive today. Summer classes are a little more overwhelming than I expected, I think things will slow down once I stay in PC for a few days, and stop traveling back and forth to Greenville, I have a feeling this Blog is going to be a bit long, so If you are up for it, stick with it and read, hopefully it will be worth your time.
It is pretty interesting, Starbuck's, I think we would all agree, at times can be a somewhat chaotic, non-personal, In- and- out, GET ME MY COFFEE, kind of place. I have never really had the chance to just sit and observe like I have today. There are a group of what seems to be, college students running the store today, and it is really neat to me, one guy in particular seems to absolutely love his job, he could be fooling me, but everyone who has walked through the door here has been greeted with a " HEY you!!" or something else that is slightly on the side of awkward, but you just have to laugh. I find in life when you are around people who are passionate about what they are doing, it makes the experience much more enjoyable, whether a trip for coffee, a month at a young life Camp, or sitting in a classroom.
I love meeting people, I think one of the most valuable characteristics is the ability to be genuine in your interactions with others. I just met a lovely older women from Portugal, who was a professor here in Clemson for about three years, and is just back to visit from Portugal for a teachers conference. She had a really warm presence, she reminded me of a lady in a movie, I just recently watched, The Visitor. Well anyway, Maria, the chemistry professor from Portugal, I liked her, ha it was one of those meetings where I found her trapped in conversation with a retired football coach, about 60. He has large round glasses, knobby knees, the perfect build of a retired athlete. A proud grandfather of his 12 year old grand daughter, who just recently finished a basketball camp.. ha he made me laugh, I love that when I told him I went to Presbyterian college he immediately said "well God bless ya, I am a catholic!" precious man.
So here I am, July 11, it has been a little over 2 weeks since camp ended, and it doesn't feel like it at all. Once I left camp, I wasn't able to really process everything I took in right away. It was a funny feeling, everyone asked, " How was it compared to last summer at woodleaf??" How do I even answer that? I mean, I came up with a general answer to give everyone, " Last summer was a lot of, people pouring into me, and really FEELING God, and his presence, everything I felt went on was very emotion driven, it didn't take as much Faith because, I was on this crazy high, I could feel him in everything, I was like a little kid who just discovered that ice cream was AMAZING, and couldn't wait to discover all of the flavors and options that this new Ice cream world had to offer. [ ha sorry that is a bit corny, but it was the first thing that came to mind so i am just rolling with it.] So yes, Woodleaf= Ice cream world. Malibu, was really a time of " maturing " in my faith. as cliché as that sounds, it was the simplest way to describe it to all the people eager to know. I found that it wasn't a month of feeling God everywhere, but trying to look for him and find " evidences of Jesus"-- as Bob Goff would say. [ that is a one awesome Man<--- completely separate story in itself. ] I was faced with a few situations that were not very comfortable for me, trying to do what I thought was best, and loving people in a new way, I had to become very very vulnerable with certain people, and even at one point, to the entire summer staff. I had a really neat time with my staff coordinator, Judy Hopkins, in which I was able to discover more about myself in 2 hours then I probably have in 2 years. [ seriously ]. So all of that to say, Malibu was a month dedicated to Growth, and gaining wisdom, I took away many things from that camp, and some of which I feel like I will realize many years down the road that lead back to this month in Canada, but for now I will let you in on one, very present thing..
My ability to "LOVE WELL"
What does this mean?? well this is my commitment, for the next year, I will try to discover what it means to Love well..
I want to listen, understand, gain wisdom and knowledge, practice, teach, discover, and give...
I want to allow God to love me well, so that I can Love others well.
I don't want this to just be some " feel good " experience, and expect this to be easy. This commitment is one that carries a lot of weight, I know this is going to be hard, I want this challenge, my spirit is hungry for Something of significance, I want to learn what it means to desire what God has for me. When it comes to loving well, I try to think of what my stereotypes have been on love.. like loving selflessly, or loving others when it is hard, but I know that My God is much larger than that, he wants to teach me on a much deeper level, I want to learn to love my family well, love my friends well, love my team well, my community, younglife team, highschool kids, mentors, enemies, professors, believers, non-believers, [ I want to be the type of women who doesn't distinguish her love for the two,] There is SO much i want to learn about this, I know I am rambling, but these are all the little thoughts just floating around in my head for the past 2 weeks!! whaaa I love getting this out. I honestly think this is going to radically change the way I view the world and the people in it. I am expecting big things from this prayer. :) I will keep you updated on my findings, but on this I have discovered ..
" What a man desires is unfailing love." Proverbs 19:22-- This must be one of the very basic, but essential pieces to loving others well. I want to understand this, I mean It seems quite simple. This statement, is true across the board, whatever belief you have, we are all searching for unfailing love, or else we wouldn't be hurt and disappointed when we are let down by those we love. [ pretty awesome that everyone on earth can relate to this one short statement.]
Well I have much more I could say, but I am going to wrap it up. I will try with the next post to gather my thoughts a bit more before pouring them all over the page and hoping they make their way into something of sense. No time to even spell check or read over, so no judging.. thankkks!

" We were not made to walk alone"

ooooooh Canada

well, Sorry this is not going to be very deep or cool to read, but I am leaving for a younglife camp tomorrow in Canada! whaaa I will be gone the month of June, I would love for someone to write me, b.c. I will have no phone or computer so yea! my address is on my facebook side wall. I am really excited, kinda nervous, not sure what this month is going to bring.. but hey, its going to be awesome. for those of you who do read my little blog, ( which by the way I have had like 3 people recently tell me they do, and that MADE MY WEEK!) not even kidding.



" God hasn't given us a spirit of fear; but of power, love, and of sound mind."
2 Timothy 1:7

Forge on ! --( as Ann Wilson would say.)

Lindsey

Return and be Refreshed

[ Had to send in a verse that describes my journey, or walk or life with Christ, something like that, so I thought I would copy and paste it to my blog .. yeah its a good verse. ]


Acts 3:19-20 (New American Standard Bible)

19"Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord;
20and that He may send Jesus, the Christ appointed for you,


So I am not sure how detailed this is supposed to be, but I will try my best to explain why this verse is so dear to my soul.
I have a tendency to try to move forward in the way God is calling me but not let go of the things that are keeping me from fully experiencing him, ha I guess we could call this Sin? yep, Sin. I struggle with guilt, about a lot of things, and this is a verse that just resonates with me, the version I found, ( New American Standard,) says " repent and return," rather than just repent, and I was really drawn to this, because I believe it shows the state of the human heart, Esp. me, I am an untrusting, fearful, and sinful human who needs to RETURN to him, and be refreshed, and be reminded that I am his, and there is nothing I can do that will make him leave me, he desires for me to be refreshed and rest in his spirit. I am not called to live in condemnation OR guilt for the sins I commit, it is that simple. I was created to be in his presence, to realize my need for him, allow him to love me, and REST in his spirit. Although I am a pretty deep thinker, and tend to want to " figure God out, or wrap my mind around him, I CAN"T. I want to be like a child when it comes to my faith. Don't mistake that statement for laziness, this doesn't mean I don't want to be bold or strong, just a child, who let's him fight for me while I receive his gift of refreshing.

I want him to teach me to know that I need him.

Lindsey Harris

"I am my beloved's and he is mine"

So here I am, inspired, to say the least,

I have mixed emotions right now, after [reading] I am wondering what it is that I am really investing all this energy into, What is the purpose, excuse me if I ramble for a bit, I think it is necessary at the moment, and let's be honest, I am probably the only one who reads this blog anyway. So here it goes, I am promising myself to post this thing no matter what, mainly because of the lack of material found on here, but also because I tend to fear that if read, people will wonder what the heck I am talking about.

The contrast of life blows my mind, literally, here we have this " simple life that I like to think of, and at the same time, there is this equally wonderful but complex life that I seem to try to live in most of the time. Why? Well, I will figure that out later, or maybe not, the latter is probably best. I don't want to be someone that I am not, I don't want to try to portray to people this girl that has things all together, but at the same time, that is ALL I want. Don't we all deeply want to be someone genuine? Well, I do. I am finding that this characteristic is not earned, i mean in a way, yes it can be, but more of a gift to be accepted. We all have the ability to be genuine in our every day interactions with others, and genuine in the way we love, or genuine in the way we speak, but sometimes we [[ I ]] choose not to accept that fact. bahhh, all this to say, I want to be a genuine person, I want to be full of the spirit, and I want to love others to NO END. Why do I run back to the things that once " comforted me ," Why do I seem to let things build up, and DECIDE that they will overwhelm me, instead of just looking at them for what they are, and breathe, take steps forward, and move in a direction, without fear that, the path I am choosing, is the wrong one. Lately, I don't seem to be myself, but, honestly I am not to worried, I know that I will be brought back to center.

Slowly over the past two years, God has really shown me, patiently I might add, that holding on to someone doesn't necessarily make them yours, and doesn't necessarily benefit you or that person. [simple concept right? wonder why I am learning this now?] Well never the less, it is now that I am learning this. I like to picture the ways in which God work with me, for instance, it takes dropping a MAC TRUCK on my face for me to be like.. " ohhhhh, that is what you meant when you said, no Lindsey, follow me." ha , yea yea. Well guys, the good news is, its all becoming clear.. :) not easy, no no don't jump in front of me yet, still hard, just CLEAR.

On a lighter note, I feel like I am starting to realize things I want to do in life, for example, I want to work for NAT GEO, or Discovery channel, and ride in a safari jeep around africa taking pictures, and then later going and purchasing the entire DVD series to add to my now collection. ha... thats all up for debate, but I do know, that life was meant for adventure, and whatever my small reality can comprehend of this world and all its beautiful creation, I want to absorb, I want my adventures and experiences and little precious moments to define who I am, and what God is doing, I like seeing God in the faces of children, or behind the lens of a camera, or in the quite places, least explored. Also in the faces of people you love, or in watching the joy one gets after doing something they thought they would never do.

I will leave you with a phrase that has NOT left my mind for the past month,

" Seek Peace" <--- That is all I know to do right now, and to do that to the best of my ability, and to look for God while doing it, or perhaps allow God to give me the ability to do that, and stop TRYING. :)

la la la la la.. These little lies

Back from a wonderful trip to Louisiana, and still can't believe it came and went so fast. Amazing to see and do life with such wonderful people, it really is as simple as that.. All being brought to one place at the same time, sitting on a roof together, enjoying one another is so neat to think about. A year ago, if you would have told me, this was where I would be in a year, ( Lafayette, LA with a bunch of crazy Cajuns for best friends,) I would have told you that you were crazy. It really blows me away how much clarity I received this weekend, just from the 12 hour drive there and back with two amazing girls, and the words of truth they were able to speak into me, also from observing new friends in their own environment, and culture. I loved this weekend, and overall, it was great. I also realize, I am right where I am supposed to be, ( in life, that is.) That might sound a little bit deep for a blog after this trip, but really it isn't, it is just the simple realization that I am OKAY, God is STILL GOOD, and there is no ONE point that I should or shouldn't be at in life right now. So yea, everything is Good..