I Have And Always Will.

"Darling, we're both scared
But where love is, fear won't tread
All of these friends here agree
We're right where we should be

Underneath all your white
My Lady, My Love, My Bride
In your darkest hours
Will I love you still
I have and I always will

I guess it's because I just do
Following heaven's clues
This is a big mystery
How I found, you found me

Underneath all your white
My Lady, My Love, My Bride
In your darkest hours
Will I love you still
I have and I always will

And you are changing now
Your part of me somehow
And I will never be alone

In your darkest hours
Well I love you still
I have and I always will
I have and I always will"

Dave Barnes " I Have And Always Will "

I like to look at songs and pretend that Jesus is singing them to me.. so I like this song already, and when I look at some of it I really hear it from him, but then other parts, I look at the relationships around me, those who are closest to me, and i hear the song speak to those. It is a pretty song if you get the chance to listen.

Love... with no pressure or expectation.

well, by the encouragement of a friend, I am going to try to update this thing a little more often. So TWO DAYS IN A ROW, wow this is epic.

So last night I was laying in bed reading in my history book about the hindu religion, and how it ties in to history and all of that good stuff, quite interesting actually, while listening to Bon Iver, [ for some reason I can't really read without music?] As I was ending one assignment and getting to the next, I got a text from my friend,

"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love. As the father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him. For he knows how we were formed. He remembers that we are dust' Psalm 103 ...amazing. i love you best."

I said back, the last part really hit me, and I asked her if she was feeling heavy for me? and she said " just laying here trying to bask in his love and stop fighting it... thought you would like this" and I said thanks, and I needed to hear that. Then she went on to tell me something that was perfect for the strange mood I was in at the time...
"yes..remember that although we put so much pressure on ourselves to walk upright and always know what to do, He puts NO pressure and only asks us to lean into him.. we love you. [ we being her and Jesus] :)

Isn't that neat, the creator of the universe, who made us, puts NO pressure on what he created, when I build something, [ since I am just quite the builder] okay, make something, or FIX something, I expect it to work RIGHT, I don't want it messing up, or not working the way I intended it to work! right?? I mean when I burn a Cd, that thing better work and NOT skip. When I recharge my phone I am going to be pissed if it dies 2 hours later. when I get my car fixed, I don't expect it to not start the next morning on the way to school.. get the idea?

What if we had a creator who had the same expectations on us, now I understand you can argue, well the idea that you love your kids the way they are or your family and friends even if they fail, but that is not ALWAYS, I get hurt when I am let down just like the next person, so really it is not COMPLETE in the same way that christ loves is, because actually he expects nothing, but trusts us with everything, and ONLY asks us to lean into him, and trust where he is taking us.

He sees me for what I will be, not what I am.

so yes, one more little piece of the puzzel for learning to Love well wouldn't you say?

Love with no pressure or expectation

Love Well...

11:45 am, my alarm goes off, and I have already been in Starbuck's for the last hour and a half trying to catch up on some political Science homework, and feel productive today. Summer classes are a little more overwhelming than I expected, I think things will slow down once I stay in PC for a few days, and stop traveling back and forth to Greenville, I have a feeling this Blog is going to be a bit long, so If you are up for it, stick with it and read, hopefully it will be worth your time.
It is pretty interesting, Starbuck's, I think we would all agree, at times can be a somewhat chaotic, non-personal, In- and- out, GET ME MY COFFEE, kind of place. I have never really had the chance to just sit and observe like I have today. There are a group of what seems to be, college students running the store today, and it is really neat to me, one guy in particular seems to absolutely love his job, he could be fooling me, but everyone who has walked through the door here has been greeted with a " HEY you!!" or something else that is slightly on the side of awkward, but you just have to laugh. I find in life when you are around people who are passionate about what they are doing, it makes the experience much more enjoyable, whether a trip for coffee, a month at a young life Camp, or sitting in a classroom.
I love meeting people, I think one of the most valuable characteristics is the ability to be genuine in your interactions with others. I just met a lovely older women from Portugal, who was a professor here in Clemson for about three years, and is just back to visit from Portugal for a teachers conference. She had a really warm presence, she reminded me of a lady in a movie, I just recently watched, The Visitor. Well anyway, Maria, the chemistry professor from Portugal, I liked her, ha it was one of those meetings where I found her trapped in conversation with a retired football coach, about 60. He has large round glasses, knobby knees, the perfect build of a retired athlete. A proud grandfather of his 12 year old grand daughter, who just recently finished a basketball camp.. ha he made me laugh, I love that when I told him I went to Presbyterian college he immediately said "well God bless ya, I am a catholic!" precious man.
So here I am, July 11, it has been a little over 2 weeks since camp ended, and it doesn't feel like it at all. Once I left camp, I wasn't able to really process everything I took in right away. It was a funny feeling, everyone asked, " How was it compared to last summer at woodleaf??" How do I even answer that? I mean, I came up with a general answer to give everyone, " Last summer was a lot of, people pouring into me, and really FEELING God, and his presence, everything I felt went on was very emotion driven, it didn't take as much Faith because, I was on this crazy high, I could feel him in everything, I was like a little kid who just discovered that ice cream was AMAZING, and couldn't wait to discover all of the flavors and options that this new Ice cream world had to offer. [ ha sorry that is a bit corny, but it was the first thing that came to mind so i am just rolling with it.] So yes, Woodleaf= Ice cream world. Malibu, was really a time of " maturing " in my faith. as cliché as that sounds, it was the simplest way to describe it to all the people eager to know. I found that it wasn't a month of feeling God everywhere, but trying to look for him and find " evidences of Jesus"-- as Bob Goff would say. [ that is a one awesome Man<--- completely separate story in itself. ] I was faced with a few situations that were not very comfortable for me, trying to do what I thought was best, and loving people in a new way, I had to become very very vulnerable with certain people, and even at one point, to the entire summer staff. I had a really neat time with my staff coordinator, Judy Hopkins, in which I was able to discover more about myself in 2 hours then I probably have in 2 years. [ seriously ]. So all of that to say, Malibu was a month dedicated to Growth, and gaining wisdom, I took away many things from that camp, and some of which I feel like I will realize many years down the road that lead back to this month in Canada, but for now I will let you in on one, very present thing..
My ability to "LOVE WELL"
What does this mean?? well this is my commitment, for the next year, I will try to discover what it means to Love well..
I want to listen, understand, gain wisdom and knowledge, practice, teach, discover, and give...
I want to allow God to love me well, so that I can Love others well.
I don't want this to just be some " feel good " experience, and expect this to be easy. This commitment is one that carries a lot of weight, I know this is going to be hard, I want this challenge, my spirit is hungry for Something of significance, I want to learn what it means to desire what God has for me. When it comes to loving well, I try to think of what my stereotypes have been on love.. like loving selflessly, or loving others when it is hard, but I know that My God is much larger than that, he wants to teach me on a much deeper level, I want to learn to love my family well, love my friends well, love my team well, my community, younglife team, highschool kids, mentors, enemies, professors, believers, non-believers, [ I want to be the type of women who doesn't distinguish her love for the two,] There is SO much i want to learn about this, I know I am rambling, but these are all the little thoughts just floating around in my head for the past 2 weeks!! whaaa I love getting this out. I honestly think this is going to radically change the way I view the world and the people in it. I am expecting big things from this prayer. :) I will keep you updated on my findings, but on this I have discovered ..
" What a man desires is unfailing love." Proverbs 19:22-- This must be one of the very basic, but essential pieces to loving others well. I want to understand this, I mean It seems quite simple. This statement, is true across the board, whatever belief you have, we are all searching for unfailing love, or else we wouldn't be hurt and disappointed when we are let down by those we love. [ pretty awesome that everyone on earth can relate to this one short statement.]
Well I have much more I could say, but I am going to wrap it up. I will try with the next post to gather my thoughts a bit more before pouring them all over the page and hoping they make their way into something of sense. No time to even spell check or read over, so no judging.. thankkks!

" We were not made to walk alone"