Wednesday, December 29, 2010
It has been quite a long time since the last post. I promised myself I wouldn't do that.
Well lately, I have had a lot to look forward to. That really is the only way to sum up the past month or so. Leaving Pc, I thought would make me come un-glued. Maybe it hasn't hit me yet, or maybe God intended for me to be able to walk away now, pain free? Maybe he knew that was the only way I could handle a change. Either way. It is starting to feel a little more real, and tangible. I am not sure yet, I can't quite describe it all. Either way, I know I am being taken in a completely new direction, and I am ready for whatever is to come. :)
Life for me has been jumping from one great thing to the next. ( How blessed I feel to be able to say that.) Leaving school, I came home to a great family, and home, decorated beautifully. Christmas festivities have all been fun, from the annual Christmas party...
then to Skiing with Daniel, Julia, and Miles at App Ski Mountain,
And straight from there to Ashley Marshall's Lake house to visit some friends from Louisiana. :)
I can't even begin to explain how amazing it was to see these Guys. Chris, Eric, Chase, and Jacob, you boys are absolute GEMS. and I am so Blessed to know all of you.
It was not that we did anything extraordinary, just shared un-interrupted time with one another. I always love my time with ANYONE from Louisiana. ;)
So then I came home and enjoyed the surprise of a new camera on Christmas morning! Hopefully this will help me with my future dream of photography. Ha. One can dream... I really have loved this break. I feel like every time I come home, I get closer and closer with my lovely sister Brittney. I really enjoy her and time with her more than she knows. She has such a childlike and unique love for the people around her. I love it. It is really contagious, and I find myself wanting to spend more and more time with her.
Then I had a wonderful time with a few summer Workcrew girls and Summer staff Friend!
Tomorrow I will be going to see one of my very favorite Bands, THE AVETT BROTHERS, in one of my favorite little towns, Asheville.
I will update this thing a little more in the next few days. :)
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Well.. I have come to the conclusion that I am joyful and excited, but of course.. nervous/anxious.. that always seems to be my nature about things. So I am trying to reach a little harder for the joyful side :).
Okay so with all this Speed and things creeping up, I have struggled to find my quiet place.. or just time for the Lord, finding time to listen for his voice. I was in New York recently for an Art trip, and i just noticed how different the culture was there, everything moved 20 times faster than life in clinton, and I left wondering how in the world these people find that place.. where everything is slow, and God's voice is easy to hear. How could these people possibly block out or escape this noise, chaos, business, and overall hurried lifestyle?
So I asked a friend how he did it when he was visiting New York in the Summer, and here was his Response..
"Lindsey, you have to go to Central Park, Lay Down, and close your eyes, block out the noises, force yourself to listen for 5 things other than the obvious... Listen for the simple sounds."
-- If you do not know, Central Park is of course surrounded by the city, with horns, cars, and just noise EVERYWHERE. I never had the time to make it to Central Park. ( This will for sure be on my agenda when I go back.)
So... What are the simple Noises? To know the simple, I think we need to know the opposite, what are the complex noises?
Complex: 1. So complicated or intricate as to be hard to understand or deal with."
Simple: 1. Consisting of one element or part only; not combined or complex: a simple mechanism
2. Free from complexity or difficulty
3. Clear, intelligible, understandable, unmistakable
I want to listen for the simple noises, the things in life that are unmistaken, and clear.. Like the person obviously needing love, affirmation, or a listening ear. There are SO many things in this life that are FOR sure things, that are RIGHT under our nose, plain as day to see, and yet we so often miss them because we are to busy searching for the complex noises, and complicated ideas.
When it comes to our faith, I have observed people trying to make sure the "non-believer" GETS the idea that they are "This and not That," and trying to pound every piece of information into their head, and help them wrap their minds around the FULL Picture at the very beginning, when of course it will seem SO complex to them because you are trying to grasp the extraordinary before the simple.
I think Christ calls us to look for the simple in the world, and when you start to see and hear the simple needs of others, and discover his simple joys THIS is when we will stumble upon the extraordinary...
"Such simple things,
And we make of them something so complex it defeats us,
Almost. Why can't everything be simple again?..."
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Simple Joy of : Benjamin Nathaniel Savory
-Building forts out of blankets and couch cushions
-towels out of the dryer (after running through a sprinkler)
-pictures of people i don't know in black and white
-old notes folded like a paper football
-popping bubble wrap.
-Reading the last line of a book before i start it
-singing a song at the top of my lungs with someone else without the music
-getting mail :)
Ben and I shared a month together in wonderful Canada at a Young Life Camp called MALIBU. :)
A few things I enjoy about him:
-His nature to be so incredibly intentional with people.
- His intelligence
- Child Like Spirit
- His never ending Energy
- how Spontaneous he is.
These come from a dear friend, Ben Savory.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
On a simple note.. Today, I discovered one of the little things in life that I just LOVE, and it makes me smile every time .. Okay, I will set the scene, I have been running around all morning, packing for my volleyball trip, packing for New York, getting my withdrawal slip signed, and then turned in to registrar before it is to late, la la la.. and FINALLY I have it all done, and I need to be to the gym in like ehhh 15 minutes. So i am in the car on BEAUTIFUL day, just pulled out of McDonalds (where I purchased a dollar menu sweet tea), windows down, breezy, and I am going to make a Left turn.. Okay, so here is the small part, if you don't read slow you MIGHT miss it. LEft turn, and the wind brushes across my face a little faster, and with a little more cool air. I keep going.. and then head back to the gym. RIGHT there. the left turn and quick cold breeze across my face. I realized how much I love that. EVERY time it happens, it is one of my favorite things, because it is a little warm from the sun, and that one little second of a left turn, and that air.. ha I know that sounds like nothing, but I know for sure that it is one of my favorite little things in life. We will throw that in with cold side of the pillow and clean laundry smell.
So we just won our game against Radford, we play Highpoint tomorrow, and then I head to NYC for an ART trip with a bunch of other art majors on Sunday until Tuesday.. I am SO excited, we are going to a show, and museums, and all that fun stuff. Well I don't have much else going on. I actually have a million things I could chat on, but this will be all for now.
My little challenge to you.. my lovely blog reader.. Find one new thing.. one "simple thing in life" that you just love, and remember it, write it down, comment me back on it, or just tell someone.. or thank Jesus for it. :) I would love for you to email it to me, I like hearing other people's "simple joys". firstname.lastname@example.org
Have a great day :)
Thursday, September 2, 2010
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.... For in this hope we were SAVED. Now Hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. "
Romans 8: 18-25 [ random parts]
Patiently Hope.. those are two words that have been on my mind for the past few days..
I think often we associate hope, with a sense of urgency, as if we hope something happens fast, or soon, or right now. Even if we say we hope " in the future," we--well ME, I hope that it happens soon. I usually don't set my " Hopes" like 5 years in the future, they are usually short term hopes. I want to learn how to set my hopes for the things that I do not see, and to realize that there is a glory that is beyond words that is going to be revealed to me.. :)
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
" Right now you experience an inner duality; your emotions, passions, and feelings seem separate from you heart. The needs of your body seem separate from you deeper self. Your thoughts and dreams seem separate from your spiritual longing. You are called to unity. That is the good news of the Incarnation. The Word becomes flesh, and thus a new place is made where all of you and all of God can dwell. When you have found that unity, you will be truly free.
- " Trust in the Place of Unity"
by Henri J. M. Nouwen
Recently, I have been feeling a little, i dunno, like my joy is being attacked, and there are just certain things that have gone on lately that are really challenging me. I know that my heart is in this certain place, and where I want, and long to be, but my actions, emotions and feelings are telling me different. I keep coming back to it. This has been a pretty rough cycle for me, for quite some time, but needless to say, I am hopeful. Ashley Marshall gave me a sweet little book for my birthday, that is filled with wonderful little 1 to 2 page entries that really speak truth into what I am going through. So today, this was that one I discovered, and I think I can understand a little better.
Your thoughts and dreams seem separate from your spiritual longing.<--- this part rings very true to me right now. I have things that I think about a lot, and they do not quite line up with my spiritual longing. But I see where I am, and where I want to be, and those are two different things, so I want to keep taking steps towards uniting the two. Maybe this makes sense? Somehow it all made sense to me.
I have also realized, I have become COMFORTABLE with all the discomfort I allow in my life, and so much so, that I am ANxious to lose it. ha CRAZY right?! yes, it is. But praise the lord I am starting to see it now, it goes from anything to relationships, and volleyball, or just things in general, and I am sick of changing to fit other things or peoples visions of what I should do, or trying to mold, I want to be who I, LINDSEY HARRIS, is in Christ, and step out and realize that it is alright to let go of the things that are holding me back from becoming truly free.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
I was going through some of my old pictures on my Mac, and came across these, I have never actually taken the time to sit down and write out what happened the summer after my Sophomore year in High School, but why not do it now? I have actually been able to share this story with a few people recently, and I am realizing how God is showing me that he really did have a greater purpose for my life.
When I was a sophomore in high school, I was driving up to Presbyterian College [ the college I am currently at now]. I was going to help Kelsey move in for her Freshman year, and I had stayed up late the night before, and woke up pretty early the next morning to drive there by myself. I got there, and helped for a few hours, and was headed back, it was August 7th, one of my friends birthday's and I was really excited about planning a surprise dinner for her at monterrey's that all of our friends could come to. I had been talking to a few people on the phone earlier, but I hadn't talked to many people while I was driving. I remember feeling very sleepy, and at the time, I had not been driving long [ experience, or time] and my eyes started to shut a little, and i would wake myself back up, and just turn the music up or try to sing a little.
It all happened so fast...
I don't really know how long it took, but it obviously wasn't to long. before I knew it, i really did feel as if I was in slow motion. Gripping the life out of my steering wheel. I will never forget that sound. The sound your tires make when you are going 65 mph down a major highway and you realize you are going off the road into the median, and you make a sudden swerve. . .
The awful screech, it was like nothing I had ever heard, immediately my entire body was struck with fear. Before I knew it, I was watching myself tumble across 385. Yes, I did not make a mistake when I said 'watching myself.' You know when people say you have an out of body experience, well this was one of those times, I am trying not to exaggerate any part of this story, but this part is so strange, because it is not like I remember it from my driver's seat, this part of the story I see like a movie?
Either way, I woke up, and instantly FREAKED. It was like my mind first went to the thought that my car was going to blow up, so I needed to get out. I tried to open the door, but it wouldn't budge, so i put BOTH of my hands on the broken glass, swiveled around and went feet first out of the car. The car was sitting ever so nicely on the guard wire, and it was a small fall down to the gravel and dirt. Right when my bare feet hit the ground I took off... running.. ' Where was I running?' ' Why was I running??" I don't know, but I did, straight up the middle of the highway, I looked down and saw my phone in my hand, and I instantly called my Dad. screaming the words, "I am okay, BUT..." and take it from there. I think he was in the car and already headed my way by the time he answered the phone.
I didn't really understand why my phone was in my hand, it completely threw me off when I saw it. Because my phone, i remember was sitting in my cup holder, where it always sat, and my car did 4 flips.. how could it be in my hand? I remember my hands both gripping the wheel as if it was my only way to stay in the car. There was no humanly way that the phone ended up in my right hand. I used both hands to crawl out of the car.. i still don't understand that part.
Cars were everywhere.. waiting for me to stop running.. and people seemed to be shocked, they were all just standing outside of the wreck. There was a woman, who had been driving beside me for several miles. She stopped me and sat me down and offered me her shoes and a Deer Park water. I was shaking, introducing myself to anyone who was helping me. She came and went. Next, there were two older women who sat, one on either side of me, and simply said, "we are hear to sit with you until the next person comes, you are alright," and I never really got a name from them, not that I can remember. strange. One after the other, people came to sit with me and calm me down while I waited on my anxious father to arrive. I couldn't believe what just happened. It didn't seem real.
I have grown up with this small birthmark on my forehead, not everyone notices it, but some do, and it has always been somewhat of a joke, because it tends to look like a bruise, food, a burn, dirt, or anything else that is not supposed to be on your forehead, so I have had a lot of people try to take it off. haha [ ITS NOT COMING OFF PEOPLE.] Anyway, God has a way of calming me down, because a truck driver came up to me, and said in his Southern voice " hunnie, looks like all ya got there is a little bruise on yur fored," I smiled and said it was a freckle patch.
My Dad finally got there, and he was in tears, that was hard to see, he was wearing a bright red shirt with khakis, nicely pressed, and his usual work shoes. When I picture my dad in my mind, this is the attire I usually picture him in. ;) We watched the paramedics pick up all the markers, clothes, cups, and anything else that happened to be in my car that was now strewn all over 385. One thing in particular was a painting that Kelsey Mckee had made for me, and it had a bible verse on it, (i really should know it, but it is packed away,) they held it up and looked at me and my Dad and said,
" We think this is why you are still alive sweetie."
I sat down and watched as cars S l o w l y passed by. I remember passing wrecks like this before, those ones on the side of the road on the way to the beach or something, you see it and it makes everyone buckle up, and look around and thank God that their family is safe. Yes, it was that kind of wreck, except this time, it was me. I was watching them all look at me one by one, and wonder if whoever was in that car actually made it out alive.
I was about 5 ft away from the cop car that was currently writing me a ticket when a car coming the other direction at about 45 or 50 mph smacks into the back of the police car.
THAT was the loudest noise I have ever heard in my life. I will never forget it. within seconds two hands reached under my arms and hoisted me up and ran me over to an ambulance to sit in the front seat where I would be "safe." People instantly freaked out after that. I had come to near death 2 times. I know that sounds a bit extreme, but when your car flips 4 times into oncoming traffic and lands perfectly upright, that seems to be number one. Then when you are literally 5 ft from getting ran over by thousands of lbs. coming 50 mph towards you, that seems to be number 2.
the truck driver went to talk to my dad and said they were all waiting outside of the Jeep when I wrecked, He said, I didn't hop out right away, but when I did they couldn't believe it. He told my dad he had been driving for 40 years, and had never seen anyone walk away from an accident like this one.
"but when she jumped out of that car, I had never seen a little girl run so fast." ha..
But the amazing thing was, not a scratch. I mean, the steel rims of my car were RIPPED in HALF, and I didn't have one scratch on my body.
A little less than 3 weeks later a Boy and his dad were driving the same drive, and he did the same thing, and didn't make it. this was really hard for me to understand.
Me walking away from this is not something that just happens. This was not by chance. You can not say that all the stars lined up and I just got lucky.
I forget about this wreck a lot, but when God reminds me, it is an amazing thing. I am not sure why I am still here.. but I am.
So yes, this is part of my story, I am realizing, probably a much larger part than I actually understand.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Ohhhh the princess
this was the boat that brought all the campers in! and this is a Summer staff guy zip-lining down to welcome them.
Okay, so I never got to really have a blog for Malibu, and all the wonderful things there, so I will attempt to put up a few pictures, and just let you see from there, I feel like I honestly couldn't describe in words [ as cheesy as that sounds] how amazing it was, from the people I met, to the scenery around me at all times.
ALL incredible. :)
The Camp Lit up at night.
This is where I worked [ The totem Trader,] and this is now, one of my best friends, Jordan who worked there with me !
My "Molly-Pocket" ( She was on work crew, and worked with Jordan and I all month, I fell in-love with her, and she reminded me of my love for Young Life, she is so special to me. ) Terri was my retail boss, but quickly became like a mother to me, I know God directly placed her in my life! And jordy :) so wonderful and precious to me.
These were my wonderful Roomates, and now amazing friends :) Jordan, DeAnna, and Abbie. I love them so much!
All of my new, beautiful friends from all over. SO dear to me. :)
Two of the craziest guys I have ever met, Jeff and Jesse. :)
Leah, Jaymi, Allison, Jordy, and ColTon!
After Canada, I got to spend a few days in Seattle with a few people from Summer Staff.
These are just a few of the hundreds of pictures that I have of my trip, but I thought it would be nice to have on here for keeping track of my travels! Hopefully there are a lot more of these in the future!
I feel like I have had a lot going on the past week or so, and a lot has crossed my mind that I would want to blog about. I have been journaling a little here and there, but really I have had SO many thoughts going around in my head, and honestly I can't really decide which topic to blog about. So here it goes. This one might be a little deep, kiiiiinda/maybe/sorta, but hey, I think it maybe could speak to a lot of the girls.. but guys feel free to read.
I was with a friend last night, a very very dear friend, one of my best friends actually, and we were laying in bed talking, as we always do, and 10 minutes turns into 2 hours.. of course. Let me just say that this was one of the most eye opening conversations I have had in a while, and I have had a lot recently, with MANY people. It was almost like both of us were discovering something miraculous together in that short amount of time. We have laid in that same place hundreds of times, I have grown up spending the night there, in that very bed, on the exact same side .. [ I love that ], but this time was different.
I was telling her that God was starting to give me eyes for the beauty of my friends around me. People that I have grown up with, done life with, hurt with, cried with, laughed, loved, shared, depended on. These are girls that I really and truly love, and i am starting to see new things about them that I have never noticed before. I have noticed their love for others, little things they do that are so unique to them, certain talents they have, funny little quirks that are only theirs. Certain laughs for certain moods, their strengths, their weaknesses, their own personal style, or handwriting. The books they read, things or little 'nothings' that they love. :) I could go on and on. Seriously, I have the most unique and absolutely beautiful friends, and there is NO ONE LIKE THEM, in the whole world.
Isn't that crazy? There is not one other person that is the same as 'her.' No one else on earth can see the world like 'she' can, no one else can love me the way that 'she' does, no one else but her can pray, worship,love,comfort like 'she' can. Isn't that neat? God put each and everyone of us on this earth JUST as we are. These Women of God that I am referring to are a few among MANY.
As we were laying in bed we discovered that girls struggle tremendously with comparing themselves to others, and constantly trying to measure up. God has revealed this to us at an early age, and I think there is a reason. I don't want to be one among the many that put myself through that, I don't want to live under the pressure of measuring up, or thinking that I am not enough, or comparing myself to EVERY girl in the circle.
Enough is Enough.
I have come to realize, that it is just a cycle, we sit and think that we are the only ones, and we look and say, wow She has it all, or how could she EVER be insecure? The truth is, we ALL have insecurities, I am realizing that my friends who I think are absolutely, BEAUTIFUL in EVERY way, have the EXACT same insecurities as me, and have also battled with the same problems that I have. I never would have thought. Sometimes I think we tend to isolate ourselves and think we are the only one's feeling this way, but that is far from the truth. I have also realized that when I am not allowing God to love me, and I can't see how HE views me, then I am not able to love others the way I would like to. [ That is the worst ]. So yes, Girls, you are a daughter of the KING, he made you and instantly fell in-love with your beauty and your heart. He looks at you and sees this beautiful little girl, dancing, free of worry, fear, doubt, and insecurities. His greatest desire is to take every fear of not measuring up, and completely carry it for you.
If you could understand the love he felt for you, you would never again fear other's thoughts about you.
Wouldn't it be so wonderful If we [girls] could allow God into that area of our life, and build for the next generation of women, that they have no idea what it means to compare themselves? I know that seems NEAR IMPOSSIBLE, but that is my Jesus, I believe with all that I am that he can do something that radical. I know I say this now, and it may seem as I am typing this, that I do not struggle, but I am FAR from that. I have my own places to allow God into that are far from being completely healed, but I do know, that there is no one else who sees the world like I do, or has the mind that God has given me, so I don't want to spend my time on this side of heaven wishing I could have what someone else has.
Women, and Men... YOU are fearfully and WONDERFULLY made, in his image, and we were intended to have life to the fullest. I know that he means this. :)
I did not want this to be some Self help blog, that empowers all women to stand up and "love themselves" it is more to say, STOP living in the pity that " you are not her, and you don't have what she has," and live in the place of knowing God created you for a GREATER purpose, and try to allow yourself to feel his love for you.
Remember, your eyes are the ONLY set of eyes that see the world the way you do.. so take advantage of it.
"Comparison is the thief of all Joy."
phew, I will get off of the box now. haha that was intense.
Monday, July 12, 2010
"Darling, we're both scared
But where love is, fear won't tread
All of these friends here agree
We're right where we should be
Underneath all your white
My Lady, My Love, My Bride
In your darkest hours
Will I love you still
I have and I always will
I guess it's because I just do
Following heaven's clues
This is a big mystery
How I found, you found me
Underneath all your white
My Lady, My Love, My Bride
In your darkest hours
Will I love you still
I have and I always will
And you are changing now
Your part of me somehow
And I will never be alone
In your darkest hours
Well I love you still
I have and I always will
I have and I always will"
Dave Barnes " I Have And Always Will "
I like to look at songs and pretend that Jesus is singing them to me.. so I like this song already, and when I look at some of it I really hear it from him, but then other parts, I look at the relationships around me, those who are closest to me, and i hear the song speak to those. It is a pretty song if you get the chance to listen.
well, by the encouragement of a friend, I am going to try to update this thing a little more often. So TWO DAYS IN A ROW, wow this is epic.
So last night I was laying in bed reading in my history book about the hindu religion, and how it ties in to history and all of that good stuff, quite interesting actually, while listening to Bon Iver, [ for some reason I can't really read without music?] As I was ending one assignment and getting to the next, I got a text from my friend,
"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love. As the father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him. For he knows how we were formed. He remembers that we are dust' Psalm 103 ...amazing. i love you best."
I said back, the last part really hit me, and I asked her if she was feeling heavy for me? and she said " just laying here trying to bask in his love and stop fighting it... thought you would like this" and I said thanks, and I needed to hear that. Then she went on to tell me something that was perfect for the strange mood I was in at the time...
"yes..remember that although we put so much pressure on ourselves to walk upright and always know what to do, He puts NO pressure and only asks us to lean into him.. we love you. [ we being her and Jesus] :)
Isn't that neat, the creator of the universe, who made us, puts NO pressure on what he created, when I build something, [ since I am just quite the builder] okay, make something, or FIX something, I expect it to work RIGHT, I don't want it messing up, or not working the way I intended it to work! right?? I mean when I burn a Cd, that thing better work and NOT skip. When I recharge my phone I am going to be pissed if it dies 2 hours later. when I get my car fixed, I don't expect it to not start the next morning on the way to school.. get the idea?
What if we had a creator who had the same expectations on us, now I understand you can argue, well the idea that you love your kids the way they are or your family and friends even if they fail, but that is not ALWAYS, I get hurt when I am let down just like the next person, so really it is not COMPLETE in the same way that christ loves is, because actually he expects nothing, but trusts us with everything, and ONLY asks us to lean into him, and trust where he is taking us.
He sees me for what I will be, not what I am.
so yes, one more little piece of the puzzel for learning to Love well wouldn't you say?
Love with no pressure or expectation
Sunday, July 11, 2010
11:45 am, my alarm goes off, and I have already been in Starbuck's for the last hour and a half trying to catch up on some political Science homework, and feel productive today. Summer classes are a little more overwhelming than I expected, I think things will slow down once I stay in PC for a few days, and stop traveling back and forth to Greenville, I have a feeling this Blog is going to be a bit long, so If you are up for it, stick with it and read, hopefully it will be worth your time.
It is pretty interesting, Starbuck's, I think we would all agree, at times can be a somewhat chaotic, non-personal, In- and- out, GET ME MY COFFEE, kind of place. I have never really had the chance to just sit and observe like I have today. There are a group of what seems to be, college students running the store today, and it is really neat to me, one guy in particular seems to absolutely love his job, he could be fooling me, but everyone who has walked through the door here has been greeted with a " HEY you!!" or something else that is slightly on the side of awkward, but you just have to laugh. I find in life when you are around people who are passionate about what they are doing, it makes the experience much more enjoyable, whether a trip for coffee, a month at a young life Camp, or sitting in a classroom.
I love meeting people, I think one of the most valuable characteristics is the ability to be genuine in your interactions with others. I just met a lovely older women from Portugal, who was a professor here in Clemson for about three years, and is just back to visit from Portugal for a teachers conference. She had a really warm presence, she reminded me of a lady in a movie, I just recently watched, The Visitor. Well anyway, Maria, the chemistry professor from Portugal, I liked her, ha it was one of those meetings where I found her trapped in conversation with a retired football coach, about 60. He has large round glasses, knobby knees, the perfect build of a retired athlete. A proud grandfather of his 12 year old grand daughter, who just recently finished a basketball camp.. ha he made me laugh, I love that when I told him I went to Presbyterian college he immediately said "well God bless ya, I am a catholic!" precious man.
So here I am, July 11, it has been a little over 2 weeks since camp ended, and it doesn't feel like it at all. Once I left camp, I wasn't able to really process everything I took in right away. It was a funny feeling, everyone asked, " How was it compared to last summer at woodleaf??" How do I even answer that? I mean, I came up with a general answer to give everyone, " Last summer was a lot of, people pouring into me, and really FEELING God, and his presence, everything I felt went on was very emotion driven, it didn't take as much Faith because, I was on this crazy high, I could feel him in everything, I was like a little kid who just discovered that ice cream was AMAZING, and couldn't wait to discover all of the flavors and options that this new Ice cream world had to offer. [ ha sorry that is a bit corny, but it was the first thing that came to mind so i am just rolling with it.] So yes, Woodleaf= Ice cream world. Malibu, was really a time of " maturing " in my faith. as cliché as that sounds, it was the simplest way to describe it to all the people eager to know. I found that it wasn't a month of feeling God everywhere, but trying to look for him and find " evidences of Jesus"-- as Bob Goff would say. [ that is a one awesome Man<--- completely separate story in itself. ] I was faced with a few situations that were not very comfortable for me, trying to do what I thought was best, and loving people in a new way, I had to become very very vulnerable with certain people, and even at one point, to the entire summer staff. I had a really neat time with my staff coordinator, Judy Hopkins, in which I was able to discover more about myself in 2 hours then I probably have in 2 years. [ seriously ]. So all of that to say, Malibu was a month dedicated to Growth, and gaining wisdom, I took away many things from that camp, and some of which I feel like I will realize many years down the road that lead back to this month in Canada, but for now I will let you in on one, very present thing..
My ability to "LOVE WELL"
What does this mean?? well this is my commitment, for the next year, I will try to discover what it means to Love well..
I want to listen, understand, gain wisdom and knowledge, practice, teach, discover, and give...
I want to allow God to love me well, so that I can Love others well.
I don't want this to just be some " feel good " experience, and expect this to be easy. This commitment is one that carries a lot of weight, I know this is going to be hard, I want this challenge, my spirit is hungry for Something of significance, I want to learn what it means to desire what God has for me. When it comes to loving well, I try to think of what my stereotypes have been on love.. like loving selflessly, or loving others when it is hard, but I know that My God is much larger than that, he wants to teach me on a much deeper level, I want to learn to love my family well, love my friends well, love my team well, my community, younglife team, highschool kids, mentors, enemies, professors, believers, non-believers, [ I want to be the type of women who doesn't distinguish her love for the two,] There is SO much i want to learn about this, I know I am rambling, but these are all the little thoughts just floating around in my head for the past 2 weeks!! whaaa I love getting this out. I honestly think this is going to radically change the way I view the world and the people in it. I am expecting big things from this prayer. :) I will keep you updated on my findings, but on this I have discovered ..
" What a man desires is unfailing love." Proverbs 19:22-- This must be one of the very basic, but essential pieces to loving others well. I want to understand this, I mean It seems quite simple. This statement, is true across the board, whatever belief you have, we are all searching for unfailing love, or else we wouldn't be hurt and disappointed when we are let down by those we love. [ pretty awesome that everyone on earth can relate to this one short statement.]
Well I have much more I could say, but I am going to wrap it up. I will try with the next post to gather my thoughts a bit more before pouring them all over the page and hoping they make their way into something of sense. No time to even spell check or read over, so no judging.. thankkks!
" We were not made to walk alone"
Thursday, June 3, 2010
" God hasn't given us a spirit of fear; but of power, love, and of sound mind."
2 Timothy 1:7
Forge on ! --( as Ann Wilson would say.)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Acts 3:19-20 (New American Standard Bible)
19"Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord;
20and that He may send Jesus, the Christ appointed for you,
So I am not sure how detailed this is supposed to be, but I will try my best to explain why this verse is so dear to my soul.
I have a tendency to try to move forward in the way God is calling me but not let go of the things that are keeping me from fully experiencing him, ha I guess we could call this Sin? yep, Sin. I struggle with guilt, about a lot of things, and this is a verse that just resonates with me, the version I found, ( New American Standard,) says " repent and return," rather than just repent, and I was really drawn to this, because I believe it shows the state of the human heart, Esp. me, I am an untrusting, fearful, and sinful human who needs to RETURN to him, and be refreshed, and be reminded that I am his, and there is nothing I can do that will make him leave me, he desires for me to be refreshed and rest in his spirit. I am not called to live in condemnation OR guilt for the sins I commit, it is that simple. I was created to be in his presence, to realize my need for him, allow him to love me, and REST in his spirit. Although I am a pretty deep thinker, and tend to want to " figure God out, or wrap my mind around him, I CAN"T. I want to be like a child when it comes to my faith. Don't mistake that statement for laziness, this doesn't mean I don't want to be bold or strong, just a child, who let's him fight for me while I receive his gift of refreshing.
I want him to teach me to know that I need him.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
So here I am, inspired, to say the least,
I have mixed emotions right now, after [reading] I am wondering what it is that I am really investing all this energy into, What is the purpose, excuse me if I ramble for a bit, I think it is necessary at the moment, and let's be honest, I am probably the only one who reads this blog anyway. So here it goes, I am promising myself to post this thing no matter what, mainly because of the lack of material found on here, but also because I tend to fear that if read, people will wonder what the heck I am talking about.
The contrast of life blows my mind, literally, here we have this " simple life that I like to think of, and at the same time, there is this equally wonderful but complex life that I seem to try to live in most of the time. Why? Well, I will figure that out later, or maybe not, the latter is probably best. I don't want to be someone that I am not, I don't want to try to portray to people this girl that has things all together, but at the same time, that is ALL I want. Don't we all deeply want to be someone genuine? Well, I do. I am finding that this characteristic is not earned, i mean in a way, yes it can be, but more of a gift to be accepted. We all have the ability to be genuine in our every day interactions with others, and genuine in the way we love, or genuine in the way we speak, but sometimes we [[ I ]] choose not to accept that fact. bahhh, all this to say, I want to be a genuine person, I want to be full of the spirit, and I want to love others to NO END. Why do I run back to the things that once " comforted me ," Why do I seem to let things build up, and DECIDE that they will overwhelm me, instead of just looking at them for what they are, and breathe, take steps forward, and move in a direction, without fear that, the path I am choosing, is the wrong one. Lately, I don't seem to be myself, but, honestly I am not to worried, I know that I will be brought back to center.
Slowly over the past two years, God has really shown me, patiently I might add, that holding on to someone doesn't necessarily make them yours, and doesn't necessarily benefit you or that person. [simple concept right? wonder why I am learning this now?] Well never the less, it is now that I am learning this. I like to picture the ways in which God work with me, for instance, it takes dropping a MAC TRUCK on my face for me to be like.. " ohhhhh, that is what you meant when you said, no Lindsey, follow me." ha , yea yea. Well guys, the good news is, its all becoming clear.. :) not easy, no no don't jump in front of me yet, still hard, just CLEAR.
On a lighter note, I feel like I am starting to realize things I want to do in life, for example, I want to work for NAT GEO, or Discovery channel, and ride in a safari jeep around africa taking pictures, and then later going and purchasing the entire DVD series to add to my now collection. ha... thats all up for debate, but I do know, that life was meant for adventure, and whatever my small reality can comprehend of this world and all its beautiful creation, I want to absorb, I want my adventures and experiences and little precious moments to define who I am, and what God is doing, I like seeing God in the faces of children, or behind the lens of a camera, or in the quite places, least explored. Also in the faces of people you love, or in watching the joy one gets after doing something they thought they would never do.
I will leave you with a phrase that has NOT left my mind for the past month,
" Seek Peace" <--- That is all I know to do right now, and to do that to the best of my ability, and to look for God while doing it, or perhaps allow God to give me the ability to do that, and stop TRYING. :)
Monday, May 10, 2010
Back from a wonderful trip to Louisiana, and still can't believe it came and went so fast. Amazing to see and do life with such wonderful people, it really is as simple as that.. All being brought to one place at the same time, sitting on a roof together, enjoying one another is so neat to think about. A year ago, if you would have told me, this was where I would be in a year, ( Lafayette, LA with a bunch of crazy Cajuns for best friends,) I would have told you that you were crazy. It really blows me away how much clarity I received this weekend, just from the 12 hour drive there and back with two amazing girls, and the words of truth they were able to speak into me, also from observing new friends in their own environment, and culture. I loved this weekend, and overall, it was great. I also realize, I am right where I am supposed to be, ( in life, that is.) That might sound a little bit deep for a blog after this trip, but really it isn't, it is just the simple realization that I am OKAY, God is STILL GOOD, and there is no ONE point that I should or shouldn't be at in life right now. So yea, everything is Good..
Friday, March 26, 2010
Shema Yisrael, or " Hear, O Israel,
" Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God,the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and with all your strength."
Deuteronomy 6 : 4-5
I was Sitting in Church this past Sunday, next to a friend from Summer staff who made the journey from LA all the way across the country to little ole Greenville SC, I couldn't have been more content in that moment. The sermon that morning was being preached by a pastor that i was not used to, and honestly I was a little disappointed it was not the "usual pastor," because I wanted Lauren to get the "full effect" of my church and experience a great message, but who am I am to sit and think that God can not speak equally deep through one just as he does another? Silly of me, because hear I am almost a week later and the message will not leave my head. Lauren has come and gone, and yes, she enjoyed the message probably as much as I, which is impressive considering Francis Chan is her local pastor. ( pretty neat.) He spoke out of Deuteronomy chapter 6, and began by asking us what does it mean to know God vs. know about God? He goes on to make a few points, including, ( where do I get my vision of God, created by me? or discovered by me? aka is my vision of God a free spirit like me, a straight edge judging God, a God who doesn't care, and so on, and really challenges us to not make our vision of God out to be similar to us in Personality or something he is not, but to really discover who HE is. pretty cool, if you take the time to think about your own perception of God.
The one thing that really stuck out to me though was this word. "Shema," and it means to listen or hear in Hebrew. I wanted to look more into this and see what it meant maybe in the Hebrew context, and ah, yes, it has a little deeper meaning in Hebrew, Shema doesn't only mean, " hey guys, listen to me, or heeyyyy can you HEAR me?"
"The possible usages are: “hear,” “listen to,” “heed,” “hear=understand,” “be heard,” and “be(come) obedient." It can also mean “hear with attention, interest, listen to.” Any proper handling of the Shema must be demonstrated by the willingness of the listener to respond to the
words of the Lord. He tells us how He wants us to respond to Him in Deuteronomy 6:4-9: "
God is speaking to Israel, and he isn't just saying hey listen up, he isn't just trying to grab their attention, a lot of times I think that God is just trying to get my attention for a short second to get me back to where I need to be and make sure I am not " forgetting" him, but really he is asking much much more of me. Isn't that what I wanted/want??, when I made this binding commitment to follow Christ to wherever he lead me, and die to myself daily just so I could be filled with more of him, did I really think that would come with minimal expectations??
HE is asking me to understand him, to BECOME obedient, to heed his words with attention and interest, and he is asking for my willingness to respond to the incredible mission he has called me on. Deuteronomy 6 goes on to tell, that he wants me to love him with all of my heart, all of my soul and all of my strength, his commandments are to be on my heart everywhere I go, not just kept inside but he says to talk about them, think about them when I lie down, and wake up. Some may become overwhelmed with the thought of constantly thinking about the commandments of God, but I think God means more than just memorize and repeat, if the words " to hear" have a deeper meaning, then I can only imagine what he means when he says all this. I want to be more and more filled.. I want to LISTEN, I was just discussing this with a friend last night, and affirming her gift to LISTEN to others, and how beautiful that is, and that most of the time, speaking is not what God calls us to, but it is to listen and wait patiently. I want to learn to listen so I can actually discern what is of God and what is not, so I can hear where his spirit is leading me, and just hear his response, because he DESIRES for us to HEAR him and understand him, He says that plain as day right in his word. So, for the week, that is my prayer, I would like to become a better listener, I want to be a little more still, and take things in, enjoy what is going on around me, enjoy my community, and all the joy that it brings. I want to become quiet and maybe a little more reserved, not necessarily in my personality, but just in my spirit. Probably doesn't all make since, but we will see. So this first blog was a little deep, but just thought I would share what was on my mind.
" Oh give me Samuel's ear, Oh Lord, an open ear, alive and quick to hear each whisper of your word, like him to answer at your call, and to obey thee first of all."
- A Prayer from David