So here I am, inspired, to say the least,
I have mixed emotions right now, after [reading] I am wondering what it is that I am really investing all this energy into, What is the purpose, excuse me if I ramble for a bit, I think it is necessary at the moment, and let's be honest, I am probably the only one who reads this blog anyway. So here it goes, I am promising myself to post this thing no matter what, mainly because of the lack of material found on here, but also because I tend to fear that if read, people will wonder what the heck I am talking about.
The contrast of life blows my mind, literally, here we have this " simple life that I like to think of, and at the same time, there is this equally wonderful but complex life that I seem to try to live in most of the time. Why? Well, I will figure that out later, or maybe not, the latter is probably best. I don't want to be someone that I am not, I don't want to try to portray to people this girl that has things all together, but at the same time, that is ALL I want. Don't we all deeply want to be someone genuine? Well, I do. I am finding that this characteristic is not earned, i mean in a way, yes it can be, but more of a gift to be accepted. We all have the ability to be genuine in our every day interactions with others, and genuine in the way we love, or genuine in the way we speak, but sometimes we [[ I ]] choose not to accept that fact. bahhh, all this to say, I want to be a genuine person, I want to be full of the spirit, and I want to love others to NO END. Why do I run back to the things that once " comforted me ," Why do I seem to let things build up, and DECIDE that they will overwhelm me, instead of just looking at them for what they are, and breathe, take steps forward, and move in a direction, without fear that, the path I am choosing, is the wrong one. Lately, I don't seem to be myself, but, honestly I am not to worried, I know that I will be brought back to center.
Slowly over the past two years, God has really shown me, patiently I might add, that holding on to someone doesn't necessarily make them yours, and doesn't necessarily benefit you or that person. [simple concept right? wonder why I am learning this now?] Well never the less, it is now that I am learning this. I like to picture the ways in which God work with me, for instance, it takes dropping a MAC TRUCK on my face for me to be like.. " ohhhhh, that is what you meant when you said, no Lindsey, follow me." ha , yea yea. Well guys, the good news is, its all becoming clear.. :) not easy, no no don't jump in front of me yet, still hard, just CLEAR.
On a lighter note, I feel like I am starting to realize things I want to do in life, for example, I want to work for NAT GEO, or Discovery channel, and ride in a safari jeep around africa taking pictures, and then later going and purchasing the entire DVD series to add to my now collection. ha... thats all up for debate, but I do know, that life was meant for adventure, and whatever my small reality can comprehend of this world and all its beautiful creation, I want to absorb, I want my adventures and experiences and little precious moments to define who I am, and what God is doing, I like seeing God in the faces of children, or behind the lens of a camera, or in the quite places, least explored. Also in the faces of people you love, or in watching the joy one gets after doing something they thought they would never do.
I will leave you with a phrase that has NOT left my mind for the past month,
" Seek Peace" <--- That is all I know to do right now, and to do that to the best of my ability, and to look for God while doing it, or perhaps allow God to give me the ability to do that, and stop TRYING. :)
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