Saturday, July 24, 2010
I was going through some of my old pictures on my Mac, and came across these, I have never actually taken the time to sit down and write out what happened the summer after my Sophomore year in High School, but why not do it now? I have actually been able to share this story with a few people recently, and I am realizing how God is showing me that he really did have a greater purpose for my life.
When I was a sophomore in high school, I was driving up to Presbyterian College [ the college I am currently at now]. I was going to help Kelsey move in for her Freshman year, and I had stayed up late the night before, and woke up pretty early the next morning to drive there by myself. I got there, and helped for a few hours, and was headed back, it was August 7th, one of my friends birthday's and I was really excited about planning a surprise dinner for her at monterrey's that all of our friends could come to. I had been talking to a few people on the phone earlier, but I hadn't talked to many people while I was driving. I remember feeling very sleepy, and at the time, I had not been driving long [ experience, or time] and my eyes started to shut a little, and i would wake myself back up, and just turn the music up or try to sing a little.
It all happened so fast...
I don't really know how long it took, but it obviously wasn't to long. before I knew it, i really did feel as if I was in slow motion. Gripping the life out of my steering wheel. I will never forget that sound. The sound your tires make when you are going 65 mph down a major highway and you realize you are going off the road into the median, and you make a sudden swerve. . .
The awful screech, it was like nothing I had ever heard, immediately my entire body was struck with fear. Before I knew it, I was watching myself tumble across 385. Yes, I did not make a mistake when I said 'watching myself.' You know when people say you have an out of body experience, well this was one of those times, I am trying not to exaggerate any part of this story, but this part is so strange, because it is not like I remember it from my driver's seat, this part of the story I see like a movie?
Either way, I woke up, and instantly FREAKED. It was like my mind first went to the thought that my car was going to blow up, so I needed to get out. I tried to open the door, but it wouldn't budge, so i put BOTH of my hands on the broken glass, swiveled around and went feet first out of the car. The car was sitting ever so nicely on the guard wire, and it was a small fall down to the gravel and dirt. Right when my bare feet hit the ground I took off... running.. ' Where was I running?' ' Why was I running??" I don't know, but I did, straight up the middle of the highway, I looked down and saw my phone in my hand, and I instantly called my Dad. screaming the words, "I am okay, BUT..." and take it from there. I think he was in the car and already headed my way by the time he answered the phone.
I didn't really understand why my phone was in my hand, it completely threw me off when I saw it. Because my phone, i remember was sitting in my cup holder, where it always sat, and my car did 4 flips.. how could it be in my hand? I remember my hands both gripping the wheel as if it was my only way to stay in the car. There was no humanly way that the phone ended up in my right hand. I used both hands to crawl out of the car.. i still don't understand that part.
Cars were everywhere.. waiting for me to stop running.. and people seemed to be shocked, they were all just standing outside of the wreck. There was a woman, who had been driving beside me for several miles. She stopped me and sat me down and offered me her shoes and a Deer Park water. I was shaking, introducing myself to anyone who was helping me. She came and went. Next, there were two older women who sat, one on either side of me, and simply said, "we are hear to sit with you until the next person comes, you are alright," and I never really got a name from them, not that I can remember. strange. One after the other, people came to sit with me and calm me down while I waited on my anxious father to arrive. I couldn't believe what just happened. It didn't seem real.
I have grown up with this small birthmark on my forehead, not everyone notices it, but some do, and it has always been somewhat of a joke, because it tends to look like a bruise, food, a burn, dirt, or anything else that is not supposed to be on your forehead, so I have had a lot of people try to take it off. haha [ ITS NOT COMING OFF PEOPLE.] Anyway, God has a way of calming me down, because a truck driver came up to me, and said in his Southern voice " hunnie, looks like all ya got there is a little bruise on yur fored," I smiled and said it was a freckle patch.
My Dad finally got there, and he was in tears, that was hard to see, he was wearing a bright red shirt with khakis, nicely pressed, and his usual work shoes. When I picture my dad in my mind, this is the attire I usually picture him in. ;) We watched the paramedics pick up all the markers, clothes, cups, and anything else that happened to be in my car that was now strewn all over 385. One thing in particular was a painting that Kelsey Mckee had made for me, and it had a bible verse on it, (i really should know it, but it is packed away,) they held it up and looked at me and my Dad and said,
" We think this is why you are still alive sweetie."
I sat down and watched as cars S l o w l y passed by. I remember passing wrecks like this before, those ones on the side of the road on the way to the beach or something, you see it and it makes everyone buckle up, and look around and thank God that their family is safe. Yes, it was that kind of wreck, except this time, it was me. I was watching them all look at me one by one, and wonder if whoever was in that car actually made it out alive.
I was about 5 ft away from the cop car that was currently writing me a ticket when a car coming the other direction at about 45 or 50 mph smacks into the back of the police car.
THAT was the loudest noise I have ever heard in my life. I will never forget it. within seconds two hands reached under my arms and hoisted me up and ran me over to an ambulance to sit in the front seat where I would be "safe." People instantly freaked out after that. I had come to near death 2 times. I know that sounds a bit extreme, but when your car flips 4 times into oncoming traffic and lands perfectly upright, that seems to be number one. Then when you are literally 5 ft from getting ran over by thousands of lbs. coming 50 mph towards you, that seems to be number 2.
the truck driver went to talk to my dad and said they were all waiting outside of the Jeep when I wrecked, He said, I didn't hop out right away, but when I did they couldn't believe it. He told my dad he had been driving for 40 years, and had never seen anyone walk away from an accident like this one.
"but when she jumped out of that car, I had never seen a little girl run so fast." ha..
But the amazing thing was, not a scratch. I mean, the steel rims of my car were RIPPED in HALF, and I didn't have one scratch on my body.
A little less than 3 weeks later a Boy and his dad were driving the same drive, and he did the same thing, and didn't make it. this was really hard for me to understand.
Me walking away from this is not something that just happens. This was not by chance. You can not say that all the stars lined up and I just got lucky.
I forget about this wreck a lot, but when God reminds me, it is an amazing thing. I am not sure why I am still here.. but I am.
So yes, this is part of my story, I am realizing, probably a much larger part than I actually understand.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Ohhhh the princess
this was the boat that brought all the campers in! and this is a Summer staff guy zip-lining down to welcome them.
Okay, so I never got to really have a blog for Malibu, and all the wonderful things there, so I will attempt to put up a few pictures, and just let you see from there, I feel like I honestly couldn't describe in words [ as cheesy as that sounds] how amazing it was, from the people I met, to the scenery around me at all times.
ALL incredible. :)
The Camp Lit up at night.
This is where I worked [ The totem Trader,] and this is now, one of my best friends, Jordan who worked there with me !
My "Molly-Pocket" ( She was on work crew, and worked with Jordan and I all month, I fell in-love with her, and she reminded me of my love for Young Life, she is so special to me. ) Terri was my retail boss, but quickly became like a mother to me, I know God directly placed her in my life! And jordy :) so wonderful and precious to me.
These were my wonderful Roomates, and now amazing friends :) Jordan, DeAnna, and Abbie. I love them so much!
All of my new, beautiful friends from all over. SO dear to me. :)
Two of the craziest guys I have ever met, Jeff and Jesse. :)
Leah, Jaymi, Allison, Jordy, and ColTon!
After Canada, I got to spend a few days in Seattle with a few people from Summer Staff.
These are just a few of the hundreds of pictures that I have of my trip, but I thought it would be nice to have on here for keeping track of my travels! Hopefully there are a lot more of these in the future!
I feel like I have had a lot going on the past week or so, and a lot has crossed my mind that I would want to blog about. I have been journaling a little here and there, but really I have had SO many thoughts going around in my head, and honestly I can't really decide which topic to blog about. So here it goes. This one might be a little deep, kiiiiinda/maybe/sorta, but hey, I think it maybe could speak to a lot of the girls.. but guys feel free to read.
I was with a friend last night, a very very dear friend, one of my best friends actually, and we were laying in bed talking, as we always do, and 10 minutes turns into 2 hours.. of course. Let me just say that this was one of the most eye opening conversations I have had in a while, and I have had a lot recently, with MANY people. It was almost like both of us were discovering something miraculous together in that short amount of time. We have laid in that same place hundreds of times, I have grown up spending the night there, in that very bed, on the exact same side .. [ I love that ], but this time was different.
I was telling her that God was starting to give me eyes for the beauty of my friends around me. People that I have grown up with, done life with, hurt with, cried with, laughed, loved, shared, depended on. These are girls that I really and truly love, and i am starting to see new things about them that I have never noticed before. I have noticed their love for others, little things they do that are so unique to them, certain talents they have, funny little quirks that are only theirs. Certain laughs for certain moods, their strengths, their weaknesses, their own personal style, or handwriting. The books they read, things or little 'nothings' that they love. :) I could go on and on. Seriously, I have the most unique and absolutely beautiful friends, and there is NO ONE LIKE THEM, in the whole world.
Isn't that crazy? There is not one other person that is the same as 'her.' No one else on earth can see the world like 'she' can, no one else can love me the way that 'she' does, no one else but her can pray, worship,love,comfort like 'she' can. Isn't that neat? God put each and everyone of us on this earth JUST as we are. These Women of God that I am referring to are a few among MANY.
As we were laying in bed we discovered that girls struggle tremendously with comparing themselves to others, and constantly trying to measure up. God has revealed this to us at an early age, and I think there is a reason. I don't want to be one among the many that put myself through that, I don't want to live under the pressure of measuring up, or thinking that I am not enough, or comparing myself to EVERY girl in the circle.
Enough is Enough.
I have come to realize, that it is just a cycle, we sit and think that we are the only ones, and we look and say, wow She has it all, or how could she EVER be insecure? The truth is, we ALL have insecurities, I am realizing that my friends who I think are absolutely, BEAUTIFUL in EVERY way, have the EXACT same insecurities as me, and have also battled with the same problems that I have. I never would have thought. Sometimes I think we tend to isolate ourselves and think we are the only one's feeling this way, but that is far from the truth. I have also realized that when I am not allowing God to love me, and I can't see how HE views me, then I am not able to love others the way I would like to. [ That is the worst ]. So yes, Girls, you are a daughter of the KING, he made you and instantly fell in-love with your beauty and your heart. He looks at you and sees this beautiful little girl, dancing, free of worry, fear, doubt, and insecurities. His greatest desire is to take every fear of not measuring up, and completely carry it for you.
If you could understand the love he felt for you, you would never again fear other's thoughts about you.
Wouldn't it be so wonderful If we [girls] could allow God into that area of our life, and build for the next generation of women, that they have no idea what it means to compare themselves? I know that seems NEAR IMPOSSIBLE, but that is my Jesus, I believe with all that I am that he can do something that radical. I know I say this now, and it may seem as I am typing this, that I do not struggle, but I am FAR from that. I have my own places to allow God into that are far from being completely healed, but I do know, that there is no one else who sees the world like I do, or has the mind that God has given me, so I don't want to spend my time on this side of heaven wishing I could have what someone else has.
Women, and Men... YOU are fearfully and WONDERFULLY made, in his image, and we were intended to have life to the fullest. I know that he means this. :)
I did not want this to be some Self help blog, that empowers all women to stand up and "love themselves" it is more to say, STOP living in the pity that " you are not her, and you don't have what she has," and live in the place of knowing God created you for a GREATER purpose, and try to allow yourself to feel his love for you.
Remember, your eyes are the ONLY set of eyes that see the world the way you do.. so take advantage of it.
"Comparison is the thief of all Joy."
phew, I will get off of the box now. haha that was intense.